my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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