worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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