ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Randomize
