I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
