I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Randomize
