I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
