she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Randomize
