I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
