I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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