My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
