all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
