Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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