She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
