So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
