Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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