You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
