I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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