isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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