I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
