the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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