Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
