So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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