I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
