Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
