Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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