Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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