I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
