The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
