I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
You took a bar mat shot.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize