I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
