Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
