Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
