Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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