dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I am midnight drunk by noon
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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