Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
