You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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