Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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