32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
