Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
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