My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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