ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
