I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
