saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
