His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
