My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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