About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
