I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
