The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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