there's paper in my vomit.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
