he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
