just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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