Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
