He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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