If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
