He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
