oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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