I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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