If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
