If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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