Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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