Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
