I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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