I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
