my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Just invented taco cereal.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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