Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
this beer tastes like vomit already
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
