my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
