Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
