Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
