I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
