Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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