Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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