her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
