i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
