Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
