oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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