are you still at the devil's house?
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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