no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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